found it! kinda

It's been a while since I posted. But things went well with training. She passed and so did I :D

I even had my own set of trainees and they both passed
I'm very relieved. Things went really well and they both caught on quickly and had no problem with the PA. I felt so good about it all until the other day when one of the trainees made a really bad move. I don't really want to get too far into it because it will just make me sad again. But basically he could be getting written up a safety for it. But we'll see. I took it as a reflection of my training so I took it pretty hard, I can't help it but take it personally. Danielle my friend who's a lead helped talk me through it. You give them the right tools and once they are signed off it's up to them how they use them. I'm almost afraid to train again.

And guess what Saturday is? Training! But not at Autopia.it's at Star Tours. Luckily and unluckily I'm getting people who already knew the attraction before so it will mostly be review and talking about the new positions that were brought in. Chris was supposed to have training at the same time but they called and pulled him out of it. Dumb. But the biggest part I'm not excited about this training is that there was no shadowing really. We're all just getting thrown into.it. and since I'm still a new trainer and have yet to get in my groove and there's no set up way to do it just yet I feel so lost. I'm attempting to keep my cool on the outside but on the inside I'm screaming for help.

This post I wanted to be positive but once I started typing all the negative stuff started to just spill out.boo.

what is wrong with me?!

My nerves are starting to get the best of me. I did shadowing and then yesterday started the core trainer shadowing me. The night before I couldn't sleep. Nightmares of not waking up on time, not knowing what I'm doing and not being able to handle 2 trainees for 3 days. Thank goodness I have till Saturday till we start again so I can get my brain untangled. I felt so depressed yesterday after our opening shift. The biggest thing that I think is scaring me is not having enough time to get everything done and have them figure it out. One of the trainees called in and so I was only dealing with one and still felt like I ran short on time. The hard stuff is out of the way for the most part. 101s are a little confusing but at least we'll be backstage so it won't be as frantic. Also they aren't allowing me to bring home my training binder. so I feel a little unprepared in that way as well. I think I'm going to take it home anyway. I can't continue to feel this way. I'm confident I know what I'm doing. I don't like feeling this way. Thank goodness for Chris. He is really helping me through it. I just don't feel like I'm doing a good job. Chris talked to my trainer, well he actually trained both of us at auto, and he was asking how I was doing and let him know that if Meggan, the core trainer, didn't think I was doing it right or thought I wasn't going to be able to do it she would have pulled me out and up to the managers. So that's a good thing. She told me my nerves were adorable when I first started talking in the morning.

I really need to get my ass in gear, and I will, just need to find that boost of confidence that I lost somewhere. Have you seen it?