My nerves are starting to get the best of me. I did shadowing and then yesterday started the core trainer shadowing me. The night before I couldn't sleep. Nightmares of not waking up on time, not knowing what I'm doing and not being able to handle 2 trainees for 3 days. Thank goodness I have till Saturday till we start again so I can get my brain untangled. I felt so depressed yesterday after our opening shift. The biggest thing that I think is scaring me is not having enough time to get everything done and have them figure it out. One of the trainees called in and so I was only dealing with one and still felt like I ran short on time. The hard stuff is out of the way for the most part. 101s are a little confusing but at least we'll be backstage so it won't be as frantic. Also they aren't allowing me to bring home my training binder. so I feel a little unprepared in that way as well. I think I'm going to take it home anyway. I can't continue to feel this way. I'm confident I know what I'm doing. I don't like feeling this way. Thank goodness for Chris. He is really helping me through it. I just don't feel like I'm doing a good job. Chris talked to my trainer, well he actually trained both of us at auto, and he was asking how I was doing and let him know that if Meggan, the core trainer, didn't think I was doing it right or thought I wasn't going to be able to do it she would have pulled me out and up to the managers. So that's a good thing. She told me my nerves were adorable when I first started talking in the morning.
I really need to get my ass in gear, and I will, just need to find that boost of confidence that I lost somewhere. Have you seen it?