Monday, June 22, 2009

“They say California's the big burrito; Texas is a big taco right now. We want to follow that through. Florida is a big tamale.”

Ashley and I are going to Florida! I haven't told my dad and judy yet though... she told us we couldn't have any *unpaid* vacation days... and i'm like screw you, i'll take the time i want, you barely pay me anyways! ugh... and i already booked it and bought a ticket there. i don't have the outlined itinerary that we started but it's going to be awesome. starting off in ft. lauderdale and then to orlando and then we're taking the rental car up through the southern states and going up to see tony. it's going to be amazing.

things have been going alright lately... ash and i are also starting to train for the triathlon that we did last year as a part of a team but we're doing it on our own. so i'm super excited about it and i keep telling everyone but i keep getting doubts which is discouraging and motivating as well. my mom was the first one, she was almost trying to talk me out of it. then i talked to julie and she said her and mom talked about it and same thing. it's like eff you guys, at least we're doing something with our lives and setting goals and shit, i know you both don't have any idea about that. ugh, annoying!

so i also talked to spencer about moving down and everything and he is for sure going to join the Air national guard... it will be so good for him. so i'm excited. so the timing would be perfect i would be leaving for LA and he'd be leaving for boot camp in lubbock, tx for 8 1/2 weeks and then tech training for however long after that. so i'll be getting my feet wet down there and seeing how i like it and everything and we'll just play it by ear for our relationship. he doesn't want to stop me from doing anything and has already moved around and experienced living other places and i'm itching to do so. so if i like it and things are going on he'll probably move with me there and if not then we'll probably end up moving back to around here. there's places down there for the ANG down in socal so he'd be set down there too.

anyhoo... my first trip down there with intentions of making some progress is this weekend. i'm going to stay with joy and see what her situation is down there and hopefully i can move in with her once i get down there. i'm flying in thursday night we're going to warped tour on friday and then i have the weekend for relaxing and beaching and talking to her about how everything's going and if she still wants to stay down there and what not.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

why now?

do i just let people talk to me mean or mean about people and just let it happen?

i think that's something i need to learn how to stop. but how?

yesterday shann called me and since i was driving i figured i'd talk to her. when she did the photos of me the other week i made the mistake (i'm assuming it's a mistake now) of telling her kind of the stuff that i had been talking about regarding spencer in the other post and now it's like she feels the need to get on my ass about talking to him about all the stuff that's been going on. i told her i was giving myself till the end of the month to talk to him, and i think that's appropriate. but i also think that she got the feeling that i wanted to break up with him and now it's like she's trying to push that onto me. we went over to mike & shann's place after the pics and spencer picked me up from there and we ate dinner with them... so then shann proceeds to tell me yesterday that she 'sees all the stuff that i was talking about' and that mike thinks that spencer is a douche, and he tried really hard to not think that way.... so wtf? how the hell am i supposed to respond to that?

and when the doctor asked if i was OCD when i wanted to take notes at my pre op
and the vet that told me gidget was preggo when i was coming to pick her up and no one called...?

shouldn't i be having some sort of response?

but i don't...

and i don't want to tell spencer about it cuz he doesn't like them anyways so it's not worth the whatever drama...

i'm not sure why i'm friends with her, but i also don't know how to break up a friendship

i always get stuck with people because i'm too nice and take their calls, and offer to help with stuff, and be their bridesmaid....

i'm sure it has to do with the confrontation and disapproval of people, i try really hard to not disappoint people and i think i get myself into stupid things that i don't want to do because of it

and here we go again, shann's gonna take pics of me again. but hey, if she makes me feel good about myself i think i'll take that and run

Tuesday, June 9, 2009


Why is it so hard to talk to someone about something important? Something that means a lot to you?