Saturday, July 17, 2010

2 of 30 — Your Crush

Crush? Oh my this seems juvenile but I think we go throughout life having these no matter how old we get... here I go talking about how old I am.... I'm turning 25 next month... give me a break!? I feel so old!

There have been so so many crushes I've had in my lifetime. The first I remember was a kid named Phillip in 1st grade... never knew what happened to him. I remember... Chris Brown, Daniel Allen.... Clint, Chris Foutch, Brent Hanson (the older guy! haha he was in 8th when I was in 6th) Adam Grow, Greyson...Matt Hamer, just to name a few...

Adam Litke... probably the biggest crush I ever had without anything happening between us. I was so stupid crushing over him for the longest time. I should have gotten the hint a long time before but I always thought there was a chance... didn't help it was in my most awkward stage of my life ever.... from like 12-15 was so so awkward... I think for everyone there is that stage and mine was pretty epic... Glasses braces broken arms acne and feeling like the fattest thing to walk around. Yep. Awesome.

There was something different about Adam that made me think that I actually had a chance with him. Maybe because he was a little shorter than most guys and wasn't the greatest looking... I always thought he was super cute. He was funny and we had a lot of things in common. I'm sure he was so miserable when we had almost the same schedule in 8th grade. haha. We used to joke around all the time and we were in band together and yeah it seemed to be the start of a great relationship haha. Every dance at Lyman Gilmore I usually got a dance with him and I could just walk on clouds afterwards. Freshman year I asked him to go to Homecoming with me and he told me yes. I was crazy excited... couldn't believe something like this was actually happening to me. Couple of days later he called to tell me that he and his friends were just going to go but he would save a dance for me. I was sad, but glad he didn't stand me up and also was saving a dance for me. He kept his promise and I was still all googly eyed for him. Later on (Junior Year maybe...) I found out he told me no because he was taking another that point I had mostly gotten over my crush so I was glad it was later that I found out or I would have been crushed. I wonder what would have happened if we would have dated... I doubt it would have lasted. But still... it's just one of those things.

I saw him a couple times after we graduated high school in Rocklin (he went to sierra college i think for a little while) and he would stop and be friendly and chit chat and that was always nice and still to this day the sound of his name makes my stomach fluttery... it's stupid but it meant so much to me then that I can still have the same feelings run through my blood.

I guess I'm just crushed for life... haha

1 of 30 - Best Friend



Supposedly these are supposed to be anonymous but this one would never be able to be that way. This is her ----> my bestie!

 Ashley Elizabeth Kosher

5' 8 1/2" of awesomeness! (I'm pretty sure that's how tall she is)


I'm so lucky because the woman that is my best friend I have also had the privilege of her also being my sister. (Step....but it's all relative) I know that everything happens for a reason and part of my parents being divorced I think has brought her into my life. If our parents didn't start dating.... even though we rode the same bus....(strange, right?) I don't think our lives would have been intertwined as much as I know they were meant to be. 


As we all know, growing up is hard. And without someone in your life that is there as a sturdy rock to help you through it.... it can be even harder. I, in my own mind, lost my older sister Julie in a time when I felt I really needed her (I guess I will go over that more once I get to the sibling challenge) but I had Ashley and Brittney to be there for me instead. Really I don't know how I would have turned out if it wasn't for them. Possibly down the same path or a somewhat similar one as Julie...? I sure hope not, I just know that both of them helped me out a lot. I'll talk about both Ashley and Brittney real quick... but we three (the wonderful three) shared a room, a garage transformed into a room! But it brought us even closer together. I remember just laying in bed for hours with the lights off and us being able to talk about anything and everything.... the simplest things to our hopes and dreams and fears. I miss those nights every night when I fall asleep alone. I think it has made it hard for me to sleep alone since it was something I became so accustomed to.  

As much as we joked with Ashley about being a wet blanket, she was my wet blanket and I needed her. She was the one to kinda bring my head outta the clouds and be like "hey... ! reality's down here" I'm a little more passive when it comes to things and she's one to question everything.... and things that I wouldn't think to question... and it's a good thing to step back and take a look around as to what the situation may actually have attached with it. 


Both Ashley and I are super competitive.... most of the fights that we ever got into.... were because we were competing for something and the other one lost... one may have gloated a little and it pissed the other one off. haha. I think we learned it fairly early on this little tidbit about each other and found ways to avoid it. By declaring that we were a package deal when being picked for teams.... we made it so we wouldn't compete against each other.... even though in the back of our minds I know we wanted to. But it wasn't worth the fight! We keep it fair and we know each others limits. 


The hardest part of moving to Southern California was moving away from my family... and especially Ashley. Even when I moved down to Rocklin after graduating High School.... I remember the evening driving away and then just crying in my new room about to start my new college life but thinking of everything that I left behind. On the move down here I didn't cry as much. But I did end up thinking that I wish I could just take her with me... being selfish so I could have her with me to help me through my days. And the weird thing is.... we don't even talk that much... we never call each other.... and I don't feel the need to for some reason. We both don't like talking on the phone very much... I would much rather be sitting in front of her being able to have one of our talks. So with that being said... me being.... lemme see....  roughly 470 miles away from her now. We can still think on the same wavelength... we can be thinking the same things at the same time and I just love the connection that we have. 


She is so informed and always looking to be informed and I like when she informs me of things. (Lots of inform....s in there) She is what I would call cautiously curious. Which I think is a good way to be. I know if there is something trending, she's all over it.... including but not limited to the internets (myspace, facebook, twitter, yelp, lol) 


Another connection that we have is that we can just look at each other and know what's going on. It's actually quite fun at times. It's something I look forward to. This woman, Ashley, is hilarious... if you give her the chance. Sometimes she can be pushed off to the side because she isn't always pushing for the center of attention but once she gets that spotlight.... she rocks it. She has these outbursts of loudness that make me laugh so hard! She is caring, kind and generous. You know when she cares about you. She shows it.


She strong and if she doesn't like something that you're doing or doesn't agree, she will most likely tell you unless it will cause more damage to whomever it's worth. She will always stand up for what she believes in even if it's against the popular vote. She longs for more out of life and is looking to go out and get it, I believe she will do great things. She sings loud and proud even if she thinks she doesn't sound good. She has a creative streak that she seems to just be dipping into and it's blooming like crazy. She has so many layers... She is strong and has all the qualities a good friend should. 

I can always count on her to be my savior in situations where we both feel out of place....we can be there together... hold strong and help each other get through it.


Another thing to be thankful for.... she puts up with my shit. I can mess with her boundaries just enough to not piss her off. We have had so many good adventures together and can't wait for more to come.

I have done some fucked up things to her... and seriously the only thing I've ever regretted in

my life is that thing. She knows what it is. No need for repeating... I'm just glad I've been able to be forgiven and we can move on. Fortunately i got a taste of my own medicine in the end and karma bit me in the ass... but i deserved it. 


 Hopefully the majority of this is making sense... it's early...late...ish




In closing, Ashley, without you my life would be incomplete... you are my best friend.


i still don't have a scanner... but have been thinking... i need to redo the drawings i already have and get them on better paper than lined paper cuz it will be difficult to scan

still planning on doing it and still have lots of ideas of stories to tell!

so yes....

seriously slacking has been happening on my part

i've been wanting to blog and i saw this thing on youtube that may help me get back into it.... 30 for 30

so let's see if i can take on the challenge... and of course since i live in the stone age i won't be using video for mine.... well i guess i could attempt doing a video but i hate hearing myself talk... so i'm not sure i'd like that

so here's the schedule... i will write about


Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don't talk to as much as you'd like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you've drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that's not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

it's going to be a challenge for sure... but i will do my best!  it may be difficult to do everyday as well... oh well let's do this! i'll start now... even though i should be sleeping